Maybe some of you out there are looking to tell that special person in your life just much they mean to you. Perhaps this is a huge step in your relationship because neither of you have told the other how you feel about each other. Could this be the very first time you are prepared to say the big “L” word to each other? If so, you’re probably planning something really romantic, right? I know, you’re gonna cash in on the whole Valentine’s Day thing, because what better way is there to conjure instant romance than a holiday that’s literally all hearts and flowers. The most important thing to remember when going for the big “L” is to make it special, and a one-way ticket to specialtown are the two u’s: unique and unexpected.
If you’re looking for a one of a kind way to drop the “L” bomb, then look no further than the I Love You Bean (Miles Kimball, $5.99). You’ve got everything you need in this kit to let the lovely lady in your life know that she makes you feel all warm and gooey inside. All you need to do is add water and sunlight (the recipe also calls for love, but I think you’ve got that one covered) to the sprouting cup full of soil mix and seeds. Then when the bean sprouts, the words you’ve been trying to spit out will magically appear on the beans: I Love You. It’s recommended for kids ages 4 and up, but I think it just might work in your situation as well.
Ok, so maybe I forgot to mention a third requirement for professing your love – cheese. I’m not kidding, the cheesier the better. Sure, the ladies all like to pretend that they aren’t into the cheeseballs, but it’s simply not true. Take any sappy romantic chick flick and you’ll see exactly what I mean. There’s always, without fail, some sort of ridiculous scene in which the knight in shining armor declares his love for the leading lady. It’s never anything easy or laid back. Some examples:
When Harry Met Sally: Guy runs through the streets on New Year’s Eve to get to girl before the new year to spout big long speech about all the reasons why he loves her.
Say Anything: Guy holds up boombox outside girl’s window playing the song they first consummated their love to.
Dirty Dancing: “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”
Love Actually: The entire movie.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Includes sprouting cup, soil mix, and seeds
-Just add water, sunlight, and love
-“I Love You” will appear when bean sprouts
-Great for kids ages 4 and up
-Not available for shipment to Canada
Whether you’ve just started dating someone or you’ve been a couple for ages, one thing is for certain: you never know what to get the other person for Valentine’s Day. There are just too many holidays out there that it gets to the point where there’s really nothing to get for your significant other, especially if you’ve been together for awhile. So then you end up getting them something ridiculous that they never would have even thought of asking for in the first place. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does make it extremely difficult when shopping for a gift.
Along the lines of “never in a million years did I think I would buy this,” the dlight Ur Heart (Generate Design, $189.00) is a great gift for your snugglebear. Sure, a light up pillow is a little strange, but I’m telling you, she’ll love it. For one, it lights up, which is always a fun thing but even more so when it’s unexpected. This heart-shaped pillow is also covered in a thousand soft roses, so you’re covering your bases with both the unexpected and the traditional Valentine’s Day gift aspects. You can choose from pink or ivory, depending on just how over the top romantic you want to get. Because it runs off AA batteries, she can take it anywhere and everywhere with her. You know, to show off to everyone how luminescent your love is.
*Warning: There is a good chance your girlfriend/wife will look at you and say, “What the hell is this?!” instead of being overjoyed at your thoughtful gift. But that’s a chance you’re going to have to be willing to take. Oh, and ladies – please don’t attempt to give this to your man because there’s no way he wants it. And if he does, RUN.
3 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 17.5″ x 10″ x 6″
-Available in pink or ivory
-Requires 4 AA batteries (not included)
-A thousand roses
-Stays lit for up to 4 hours continuously before dimming
-Includes AA rechargeable battery charger and 5 volt AC/DC adapter
-Warm white LED
-Made of 100% polyester
Are you a victim of key scarcity? Do your keys just seem to grow legs and walk away, because that’s the only explanation for them not being exactly where you left them? What I’m trying to say is, I have a hard time keeping track of things, my keys in particular. Without fail, my keys are never where they were when I put them down five minutes ago. I’ve tried putting a whistling key finder on them, but it just never seems to work – largely due to the fact that I can’t whistle. So I got a key bowl. That didn’t work either because I just ended up misplacing the bowl as well. Do you know how many times I’ve had to get the locks changed on my place because I’ve lost the keys somewhere inside my apartment? Dave, the locksmith who has been married for 12 years with two children and has always dreamed of being a painter, assures me that it’s a very common occurrence.
The His and Hers Keyholders (Convenient Gadgets & Gifts, $18.00) are a perfect gift for someone like me who is unable to keep track of even the simplest of things, like a keychain. Available in both “His” and “Hers” designs, you can purchase them separately (same sex relationship friendly) or in a set (heteros only). The wall plate of your choice comes with a special key that you put on your keychain, which fit perfectly into the wall plate. Thus, all you have to do when you walk in the door is stick your key into the wall plate. Then you’ll always know exactly where your keys are, provided you can manage that first step. It is a tricky one.
This item lost one star based solely on pricing. I have no problem with the artsy price tag of $18, but I do have an issue with their bulk pricing. You can buy these babies as a set, and if you’re of the hetero couple persuasion, why not? I’ll tell you why not, because the set is $39.95. In case you’re a little rusty with math these days, 2 x $18 = $36, not $39.95 – tricky, tricky right there.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 3 1/8″ x 4 1/4″
-Available individually or as a set
-His or Hers design
-Comes with special key to fit into keyholder
-No hook protruding from the wall
-Keys can’t be bumped to the floor
-Mirror stainless front face
The most important thing to remember when you’re part of a couple actually has more to do with other people than the two of you: don’t gross out the general public. For those of you who don’t know what that means (and therefore, this statement is specifically directed at you): knock it off! I’m talking about the very intense PDA you’ve got going on, all day every day. There’s no need to suck face with your significant other in close proximity of all your friends. We get it, you’re together. Memo received. Now separate yourselves before one of you suffocates. The main reason single people hate couples is that they seemingly flaunt their coupledom at every turn. Now, sometimes this is all in a singleton’s head. Other times, like when you’re giggling and whispering “No, I love you more” into the phone for 20 minutes, it’s a miracle you still have friends.
With the I’m Nuts About You! (Firebox, $17.95) keychain, you can secretly think about your honey bunny all day long and your friends will never be the wiser. More importantly, they won’t be forced to vomit every time you bring up the cutest thing your sweetie did today. Instead, all you have to do is look down at your keychain, which seems just like an ordinary nuts and bolts keyring, and think about your glorious love. The only way your friends would know the disgustingly adorable nature of said keychain is if they saw the box branded with the “I’m nuts about you!” slogan because the keychain is free of any such lovey dovey indication.
I’m not asking the moon here. I don’t care what kind of nauseatingly sweet activities you participate in within the confines of your own home, but dial it down a notch when you’re out in the world. I mean, I’m sitting right next to you – do you really have to make out with your girlfriend at that exact moment? And for five whole minutes? In case you’re thinking that’s ok, IT’S NOT!
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 3/4″ x 1 3/4″ x 1/2″ (not including bronze ring)
-Box includes bronze ring and silver & 14k gold plated nuts and bolts
Alright, alright, so I may have noted my displeasure for the so-called holiday that is rapidly approaching, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to ignore it entirely. I’ve tried – it didn’t end well. So I’m sorry to say, but there’s gonna be a bit of cutesy item coverage for the next couple of weeks. I’ll do my best to find fun, spiteful items like last week’s Bittersweets, but occasionally I will have to bow to the masses and humor all the lovebirds out there. Now, without further ado…
The Heart Egg Molder (Perpetual Kid, $5.99) is a good way to jump into all this Valentine’s Day nonsense without going overboard. While making a heart-shaped omelet or eggs-in-a-basket (as shown) for your sweetie pie is nauseatingly adorable, it’s not the only way to enjoy fun shaped breakfast items. Perhaps you just enjoy a tasty breakfast and you’d like to liven it up a bit. You know, start your day off on a positive note, knowing that your eggs and toast will always be there for you (unlike your shady ex). Or maybe you know someone who’s a big fan of food (aren’t we all?) so they’d totally eggpreciate (!) such a thoughtful gesture. And then, there are those people out there who want to buy this contraption as some sort of salute to a ridiculous “holiday” – that’s cool too, I’m not judging.
Still taking suggestions for that singles only holiday – we need a name, a date, and a way to celebrate. Scratch that, I think I know how the celebration will go.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 5″ x 6.5″
