In the spirit of massive poultry slaughter and deceitful lies to a whole nation of people, I present you with the latest and greatest in horrendous headwear. The Turkey Hat (Miles Kimball, $9.99) honors that which is just about upon us, the noble holiday of Thanksgiving.
If you love Thanksgiving this atrocious accessory is perfect for you, especially if you are not at all invested in your looks. Who wouldn’t want to walk around with a giant fake turkey plopped on their head? What other way is there to possibly spend the holiday? Football pales in comparison when one is presented with the notion of a turkey hat. Catching up with relatives? Completely ridiculous, unless you’re talking about the awesome new turkey hat you just saw online and are totally buying for next year’s Thanksgiving. At the very least, it’ll give you an answer to the dreaded question, “What are you thankful for this year?” Turkey hat, hands down.
Maybe now you can finally unveil the Mr. Gobbles impression you’ve been perfecting for months within the confines of your basement. I mean, without this splendiferous hat, you’re just some idiot pretending to be a bird.
5 out of 5 turkey stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 13.5″ H -Instantly transforms you into a ridiculous buffoon -Perfect Christmas gift for your arch enemy -Drastically diminishes your chances of finding a mate -Great conversation starter, e.g. “Does your son do drugs?”
So having an iPod is awesome. I mean, you don’t have to cart all those CDs around anymore just to listen to a unique compilation of your choosing. You’re so much more liberated, now that you’ve been freed of those CD shackles. It’s not like anyone really wants those CDs anymore, so you should just throw them away, right? Yeah, except for all that amazing cover art you’re gonna lose. But what good is CD cover art if no one is going to see it?
If you worship your CD art, then CD Wall Tiles (Firebox.com, $39.95) is here to help you display it properly. This set comes with nine independent wall tiles that hold your CD cases, but still allow you to access your CDs. This is pretty cool because you can basically arrange the tiles any way you want, so there’s tons of different display options. Plus, the wall tiles attach with Command™ strips, so you can rearrange them later if you get tired of your original display.
Because these wall tiles use Command™ strips, that means there’s no tools needed, which I love – I can’t tell you how many Allen wrenches I have. However, there is a slightly complicated process of attaching these things to your wall. I’m sure once you get past the first few, it’s all coming up roses, but I have my doubts. Luckily, it comes with detailed instructions.
Basically, you pick a structural design for your wall art using the nine CD wall tiles. You join them together using the connectors provided so that your design holds together. Each wall tile has a hole in the center to make transfer to the wall easier. Simply mark each hole with a pencil to outline where your wall tiles will be placed. Attach the Command™ strips to the back of each mounting clip, which you will then place over the pencil marks. Press each clip for 30 seconds to ensure its that it bonds to the wall, then wait one hour before sliding wall tiles into the mounting clips.
Now that you’re done with the setup, it’s time for the hardest part: picking those first CD cases to be displayed. You only have nine options, so you’d better make it count. Sure, you can change them anytime you want to, and you could even order a few sets if you wanted to get really creative. But just like a mix tape, there’s nothing like that first perfect CD compilation.
5 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 6″ x 5.5″ x 0.5″ (each wall tile) -Includes: 9 CD wall tiles, 24 spacers, 40 bumpers, 9 Command™ Strips, and instructions -Each wall tile can hold either single or double CDs in each case -Leaves no damage to your wall -No tools needed -Quick to install and easy to change
So you’re in the shower, right, and you’ve done the whole lather and rinse deal, and you’re just about to repeat when you have this fantastic idea. What are you to do? If you wait until you’re done showering, you’re almost certain to forget it, and you can’t skip repeat because that’s what makes your hair so silky and manageable. So what’s it gonna be, the cure for cancer or luscious full-bodied tresses? It is quite the conundrum.
Don’t worry, with the Shower Genius Waterproof Notepad (ThinkGeek, $14.99) you don’t have to choose. This waterproof notepad hangs right in your shower so you can jot down your brilliant ideas at a moment’s notice. You can hang the pad using the keyhole mounting slot on the back of the mountable holster, or using the included double sided sticky foam. Don’t worry, in case you decide to stop documenting your every thought, the sticky foam is removable.
The notepad contains 25 sheets of patented all-weather waterproof paper that you can write on using any standard writing utensil. When water hits this magical paper, it simply beads up and rolls right off. Your incredible ideas can be documented with ease, regardless of the weather or body cleansing situation. If you use up your first waterproof pad of paper, ThinkGeek also offers a refill pack for $6.99, which includes a 3-pack of notepads. A small price to pay to gather those first seeds of your Pulitzer prize winning novel.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: approx 3.75″ x 5.25″ x 1.35″ -Attaches by keyhole mounting slot or with double sided sticky foam -Includes: one notepad (25 waterproof sheets), pencil, mountable holster, and piece of double sided sticky foam -Uses any standard writing utensil
Everybody has that one friend, the one who will eat off your plate no matter what. He probably doesn’t even like vodka pasta, but there he is, all up in your dinner plate. And he doesn’t even wait until your back is turned! Now, there’s no way you’re going to stop him from this compulsive lack of manners, but at least there’s a way to make it less imposing on your own meal consumption.
The Extend-A-Fork (Stupid.com, $7.50) is a must-have for food vultures everywhere. At first glance it appears to be a normal fork, but pull down on the bottom and it extends from its basic 9″ to 25″ in one simple motion. This clever piece of cutlery lets you eat off the plates of others with ease – no more reaching! And if you’re less brazen in your food theft, this fork’s extension allows you to be super stealth while your target’s back is turned.
With a little bit of practice, you might even be able to steal food off the tables of complete strangers! Not that I condone that or anything…Oh, and if you get caught and thrown into food theft jail, I’m not bailing you out.
Don’t you just love to go camping? Well, I know I don’t, but there is one thing I like about camping, and that’s making s’mores. Sure, you can try to make them inside using a candle, a la The Sandlot but they really just don’t taste the same. Not to mention, it takes for-ev-er.
The Progressive International Microwavable S’Mores Maker (Amazon, $7.29) is your indoor s’more maker savior. All you need to make perfect s’mores is the usual suspects: graham crackers, some chocolate substance, and marshmallows. You assemble them as you normally would except this time, you put the marshmallow in between the graham crackers prior to melting. Your little s’mores in the making are assembled underneath the s’more maker’s arms, and this keeps everything together while it microwaves.
The special ingredient in these indoor s’mores is the water reservoir at the back of the s’more maker. You simply fill it with water and close the top, before placing the whole kit and kaboodle in the microwave. Thirty seconds later, and you have two perfectly melted marshmallows sandwiched in between chocolate and graham cracker, aka a s’more.
This is a great idea for when it’s too cold for camping or you just can’t be bothered with the hassle of toasting a ‘mallow (I always burn mine). It would make a great gift idea for kids, seeing as there’s no fire involved, and it’s really easy to clean because it’s dishwasher safe. I have to wonder though, if these s’mores taste as good as the ones cooked over the campfire. I’m gonna bet not, but they’re as close as you can come to authentic s’mores without having to go outside.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 7.5″ x 6.5″ x 4″ -Weight: 2 lbs -Just add water -Makes 2 perfect s’mores in 30 seconds -Heats graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows evenly -Dishwasher safe
