In the spirit of massive poultry slaughter and deceitful lies to a whole nation of people, I present you with the latest and greatest in horrendous headwear. The Turkey Hat (Miles Kimball, $9.99) honors that which is just about upon us, the noble holiday of Thanksgiving.
If you love Thanksgiving this atrocious accessory is perfect for you, especially if you are not at all invested in your looks. Who wouldn’t want to walk around with a giant fake turkey plopped on their head? What other way is there to possibly spend the holiday? Football pales in comparison when one is presented with the notion of a turkey hat. Catching up with relatives? Completely ridiculous, unless you’re talking about the awesome new turkey hat you just saw online and are totally buying for next year’s Thanksgiving. At the very least, it’ll give you an answer to the dreaded question, “What are you thankful for this year?” Turkey hat, hands down.
Maybe now you can finally unveil the Mr. Gobbles impression you’ve been perfecting for months within the confines of your basement. I mean, without this splendiferous hat, you’re just some idiot pretending to be a bird.
5 out of 5 turkey stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 13.5″ H
-Instantly transforms you into a ridiculous buffoon
-Perfect Christmas gift for your arch enemy
-Drastically diminishes your chances of finding a mate
-Great conversation starter, e.g. “Does your son do drugs?”
