Moving right along to the blinking ornaments and the giant star that are festered within the tree perched atop your head – are you serious? Please, I’m begging you, your kids are begging you, even the blind women living next door is begging you to not leave the house with this hat on. Sure, you can try to convince yourself that within the confines of your own home, this hat is fine. This hat might even be the most stylish accessory you have ever had the pleasure to own (my condolences), but that is no excuse to smother your fellow man with your own Christmas overindulgence. If you must insist on purchasing such a hat, please do so only in an effort to severely impact your child’s social status and/or overall popularity. Some examples include: picking up the child from school wearing a green jumpsuit with ornaments hanging from the front, complete with Christmas tree hat; inviting said child’s friends over for a party, only for them to find out that it’s an official meeting of the Christmas Tree Hat Society; pushing a baby stroller with a Christmas tree hat inside instead of a baby, making sure to stop as many people as possible and ask them how cute they think your “baby” is.

For a full list of all possible serious physical and emotional ramifications stemming from the use of this product, please refer to the Turkey Hat.

5 out of 5 Christmas stars.

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