So you’re trying to finish your Christmas shopping, and it’s really starting to get down to the wire here. All you have left is your Nana, and you are completely stumped about what to get her. I mean, this lady has just about anything and everything that you could possibly imagine. So do you get her the LED dragon waterfall you saw at the Asian Art store? Tempting, because everyone knows that Nanas are totally into fire-breathing reptiles. Then again, it’s really similar to last year’s dragon lamp. So what gives?
The Holiday LED Blow On-Off Candles (ThinkGeek, $7.99) is the perfect alternative to dragon themed merchandise. These candles are made from real wax, but aren’t traditional candles. Instead of a real fire, the candles use LED lights to simulate a flickering flame. So not only do you not have to worry about your house burning down due to negligent ambiance, but that also means that these candles will a heck of a lot longer than a few hours. But I know, you want your candles to seem like actual candles, and apparently the made from wax bit isn’t doing it for you. Ok, how’s about that you turn these candles on and off by blowing a puff of air onto the wick? That’s right, there’s no fancy on/off switch on these babies, all you need is a healthy set of lungs to enjoy this decor.
Can’t remember which color is Nana’s favorite, red or green? Well, that’s not an issue because each candle can switch from red to green with the flick of a button. And you thought shopping for Nana would be hard.
5 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Blows on and off with a puff of air
-Uses flickering LED lights instead of real flame
-Switch allows to change from red to green flame
-Made from real wax
-Battery operated (3 AAA batteries, not included)
Another installment of ridiculous holiday themed hats for people with no common sense or personal pride presents: the Christmas Tree Hat (Amazon, $12.99)! Yes, that’s right, now you can add to your growing collection of personal embarrassments with this amazing Christmas themed monstrosity. If you want to be the most absurdly dressed person at Christmas dinner this year, then you need this hat. Not only are you growing a tree out of the top of your head, which is just a bit sad that you’re wasting your fertile mind on imitation pine needles, but this is actually a look that you’re comfortable sporting around town.
Moving right along to the blinking ornaments and the giant star that are festered within the tree perched atop your head – are you serious? Please, I’m begging you, your kids are begging you, even the blind women living next door is begging you to not leave the house with this hat on. Sure, you can try to convince yourself that within the confines of your own home, this hat is fine. This hat might even be the most stylish accessory you have ever had the pleasure to own (my condolences), but that is no excuse to smother your fellow man with your own Christmas overindulgence. If you must insist on purchasing such a hat, please do so only in an effort to severely impact your child’s social status and/or overall popularity. Some examples include: picking up the child from school wearing a green jumpsuit with ornaments hanging from the front, complete with Christmas tree hat; inviting said child’s friends over for a party, only for them to find out that it’s an official meeting of the Christmas Tree Hat Society; pushing a baby stroller with a Christmas tree hat inside instead of a baby, making sure to stop as many people as possible and ask them how cute they think your “baby” is.
For a full list of all possible serious physical and emotional ramifications stemming from the use of this product, please refer to the Turkey Hat.
5 out of 5 Christmas stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 19″ x 11″
-Battery operated (2 AA batteries, not included)
-Star and ornaments blink on and off
-Tinsel, plastic, and fabric
All the Whos down in Whoville know his name, why it’s the mean Grinch of Dr. Seuss fame. He came to celebrate the holiday with both me and with you, and all the Whos down in Whoville even Cindy Lou Who. The Grinch tried to stop Christmas from coming, to quiet all the Whos’ holiday humming. He hated the season as soon as the first snow began to fall, quite possibly because his heart was two sizes too small. So against the Whos he plotted and schemed and connived, hoping to ruin all their holiday joy inside. He stole all their trees and presents and holiday decor, he even took every last crumb off the floor. But what a surprise the Grinch got, it seems all his ideas were shot. The Whos still had Christmas, they didn’t kick up a fuss. At the very sight of this cheerful display, the Grinch’s tiny heart grew three sizes that day. So go on out and fetch this touching tale of the Grinch, and your Christmas shopping is sure to be done in a cinch.
*****
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (Walmart, DVD $13.86; book $8.40)
“And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: ‘How could it be so?
‘It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
‘It came without packages, boxes or bags!’
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
‘Maybe Christmas,’ he thought, ‘doesn’t come from a store.
‘Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!’”
5 out of 5 stars.
DVD Specs:
-26 Minutes
-Not rated
-Full frame
-Dolby Surround Stereo
-Narrated by Boris Karloff
Book Specs:
-64 pages
-Hardcover
-Ages 3 and up
-Party edition
-Written by Dr. Seuss
When you think Christmas, what comes to mind? Is it the snow falling on Christmas morning, covering the front yard in a blanket of white purity? Maybe it’s the Christmas carolers who travel from door to door, serenading each family as if it were their own. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the thought of Santa coming down your chimney with a sack full of gifts for you and your family. How about it, have you been a good little boy/girl this year? If so, you’re sure to get everything on your list this year, including the most amazing gift of all…
I just know it’s the Monopoly: A Christmas Story (kbtoys.com, $29.99) that you’ve been patiently waiting for all these months. All the other girls and boys are content with just the movie, but you’re different. No, you wanted something exceptional to fondly reminisce about Ralphie’s tale of greatness, and not even a special edition DVD would do. Luckily, with this game you can appreciate the iconic movie without even owning it. Better yet, grab the game and play it while watching A Christmas Story during the 24 hour marathon on TV (it’s probably going to take you about that long to finish a game of Monopoly anyways).
So on Christmas morning, be sure to huddle up around the fireplace and drink some hot cocoa while you open your gifts. Maybe you didn’t get everything on your list, but at least you can play Monopoly, A Christmas Story style. You can’t blame Santa for not bringing you an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. I mean, you’ll shoot your eye out.
4 out of 5 leg lamp stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 20″ x 10.1″ x 1.4″
-6 movie themed tokens: Santa’s boot, leg lamp, soap, Raphie in bunny suit, Ralphie’s glasses, and the old man’s car
-2 to 6 players
-Ages 8 and up
Did you misplace your Christmas vest this year? Did you try looking in the attic with the rest of the Christmas decorations? Hmmm, well you’re going to have to wear something festive for the holiday season, and if the Christmas vest is missing, then you’re in big trouble. You could go with the Christmas sweater that your grandma knitted you last year, but you’ve packed on a few extra pounds since then, and besides, it’s a little too Cosby sweater for your taste. You could wear a pair of those reindeer antlers, but Human Resources banned them at work after that incident at the Christmas party last year. What else is there that you can proudly wear to display your holiday cheer?
The Musical Christmas Neckties (Walter Drake, $7.99) are the answer to your festive attire shortage. Available in two different styles, you can chose from either Santa or snowman to let the world know that you and Christmas are BFF. Ok, so you’ve got the traditional Christmas icon requirement satisfied, but now you need something to give your apparel an edge over the rest of the office. Well you’re in luck, as this tie plays three different holiday tunes, which is ten times more awesome than Bill’s generic Christmas tree tie or Susie’s Christmas light necklace. And prepare to be wowed because not only do you get a Santa or snowman, not only do you get three holiday songs, but this tie also lights up! That’s right, the noses on both Santa and the snowman light up while the music plays. The only real downside here is that the tie is hand wash, but with all that incredible technology hanging from your neck, you wouldn’t want to compromise it by throwing it in the washing machine.
I bet you can’t wait to see the look on Bill’s face on Monday when he comes in wearing his Christmas tree tie, thinking he’s got the greatest Christmas look in town. And then, you turn around. With one push of a button that music starts playing, and not only does your tie light up, but so do the eyes of everyone in the office. And just like that, you’ve won the office’s Christmas tie showdown.
Well played, sir. Well played.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 58″ long
-Plays 3 different holiday songs
-Nose flashes red
-Made of polyester
-Hand wash
