The end of January is almost here, and you know what that means: Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty sure everywhere you look you’re already being bombarded by sickening messages of love, giant displays of heart-shaped candy boxes, and basically anything of the red and pink variety. A lot of people out there, myself included, tend to overlook the possible merits of Valentine’s Day (the heartwarming sentiments) and prefer to focus on reality (a holiday created by card companies to sell more useless products). I mean, why is February 14th so special? Why is that the day where we’re supposed to shower our loved ones with gifts and affection (but most importantly, gifts)? Shouldn’t we be treating our significant others like they matter every day instead of one random day in February? And what about those poor unfortunate souls who are miserable and alone? It’s not like they need another reminder that no one’s interested in them and they’re not getting any younger.
One of the Valentine’s Day staples is the candy heart. Certainly not the most flavorful or exciting of the bunch, the candy heart has become a mainstay because it’s quirky. It’s the little sayings on each heart that make candy hearts special; you never know what you’re gonna get. The Bittersweets (ThinkGeek, $5.99) by Despair, Inc. take that idea and run with it – kicking and screaming in the opposite direction. Instead of spouting sickeningly sweet sentiments, these candy hearts tell it like it is and speak to the singleton in all of us. You can choose from dejected, dysfunctional, or dumped and each set comes packaged in a collectible tin. There are up to 37 unique sayings inside each collection that cater to the “D” you select.
Single people should get their own holiday. I mean, there are so many holidays that are built around togetherness and everlasting love – what about the rest of us?! I mean, I guess you could technically annex St. Patrick’s Day as a singleton holiday, but I’m talking about a true Singles Day. Write in and tell me your suggestions!
5 out of 5 miserable stars.
Specs:
-3 different collections to choose from: Dejected, Dysfunctional, or Dumped
-Each collection features up to 37 unique sayings
-Packaged in a collectible tin
The worst thing about living with roommates is the shared space issue. Chances are, you’re living in a space the size of a one person apartment with at least two roommates – not exactly ideal. But hey, it saves money and there’s always someone to hang out with when you want to avoid your responsibilities (there are actually a lot of perks to living with someone, but those are the top two reasons). But going back to the shared space issue, it can be tough to divide up your common areas amongst a group of people so most of us don’t even bother. Sure, what’s mine is yours, which can include food, possessions, and most importantly, booze. What’s the problem with sharing? A lot of people think it’s Latin for “take it all.”
I can’t help you protect all your stuff, but the Lock Stop (Drinkstuff, £10.00) will at least keep your booze safe. This device fits into the top of most bottle necks to stop unwanted persons from accessing its alcoholic goodness. Well, I guess you could try using it on bottled sodas, but who really drinks those anymore? The lock is equipped with a four-digit combination so you can grant access to as little or as many people as you like, provided they are of a trustworthy nature (memorization skills might come in handy as well).
Yes, you might come off as a bit of a hard-ass for putting your liquor under lock and key, but try to explain to your friends that it’s not them you’re worried about, but other people who come over. And when that little gem falls flat, tell them that it’s all their fault. I mean, if they were able to keep their hands off your booze in the first place, then you wouldn’t have to lock it up. Am I right, or am I right?
5 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 68mm x 43mm
-4 digit combination
-Securely seals valuable bottles
-Gift boxed
-Works on most bottle necks
-Made of stainless steel
-Not available for delivery in the United States or Canada
I can’t stand it when it’s raining out. I’m one of those people who would almost rather it was snowing than raining because I see it as less of a hassle. Sure, if it’s snowing then that means it’s probably freezing out and just generally unpleasant, but there’s something about the rain that makes me crazy. Maybe it’s the way all the worms come out onto the sidewalks while it rains and then end up all dried out and shriveled up. It could be how when you get caught in a rainstorm, you know that you’re going to have to go through your entire day soaking wet because your clothes are never going to fully dry. Or maybe it’s simply that the rain is dreary and turns the whole day into one giant bummer.
Whatever the reason, rainy days need something to perk them up, hence the Colour Changing Umbrella (Generate Design, $49.00). Basically your average everyday umbrella, albeit with a few raincloud designs, this telescopic umbrella doesn’t seem like anything special. I mean, it sure doesn’t seem like anything that’s going to cheer you up when the skies get gray. But in actuality, those rainclouds are on the right track to brightening your day. See, when those rainclouds are printed with special ink that changes from white to bright colors. What causes this fantastical change? Water, silly! You essentially need it to rain for the special ink to yield color. That’s one point for the rain clouds.
There is one exception to my hatred of rain and that’s when it happens with sunny skies. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when it’s scorching hot outside and you’re wishing it would rain, and then it actually does? It’s pretty awesome.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 9.95″ x 1.97″ x 1.97″
-Telescopic umbrella with colour changing print
-Special ink is white when dry, changes colour when wet
I have a strong theory that pretty much any food can be transformed into something tasty, or tastier, if it’s presented in an intriguing fashion. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of not-so-pretty food presentations are still quite delicious (think anything that was ever made in a casserole dish and then been reheated), but even an ordinary meal can be transformed by a little bit of decoration. For example, take your normal birthday cake. Chances are, the yum factor is already pretty high, but if you add some piped icing then that yum score shoots way up. And if it’s star shaped piped icing? Watch out, because that yum score will be off the charts.
For those of you out there who thought it was impossible to improve on the standard cookie, the ABC Cookie Cutter (Amazon, $8.31) is sure to prove you wrong. I mean, we all know that cookie cutter instantly improve any cookie’s popularity by 110% and usually the shape in question doesn’t even matter. These cookie cutters make it acceptable for you to make gingerbread cookies year-round instead of saving them for Christmas. See, each cookie cutter has a body part missing, either a head, a leg, or an arm. This gives the illusion of a deformed gingerbread man as well as a half-eaten cookie. Make them to bring to a friend’s house and see how many people shy away from eating them because they assume these cookies are ABC: Already Been Chewed. And just think of the endless decorating possibilities!
My one real quibble with these cookie cutters doesn’t really have anything to do with the cookie cutters themselves. If you check out their product page, you’ll notice that the shipment time is listed as 3 to 6 weeks. I mean, that’s just crazy talk! What if I decided to make these ingenious cookies on a whim? Do you really expect me to wait over a month to receive these cookie cutters? Oh, you do? Well, ok then. I guess I will.
3 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 8″ x 4.8″ x 0.8″
-Weight: 3.2 oz
-Features 3 different gingerbread men
-Easy to clean
-Made of cast aluminum
There’s a whole mess of literature out there that talks about how important it is to properly prepare for the birth of your child. I’ll venture to guess that a lot of you already know the obvious guidelines for the mother-to-be: eat healthy, no smoking/drinking, exercise, etc. Then there’s the whole nesting side of preparations, making sure that you’ve baby-proofed the house and set up the baby’s room (he’s sure to complain if the decor isn’t high quality). So you’d think that you have all your bases covered, right? Well, what about all that time little Eugene or little Helga spends gestating in the penthouse suite of the Holiday Womb?
The Prenatal Musical System (ThinkGeek, $99.99) is the most advanced and complete method of delivering auditory sounds to your unborn child. I mean, you must have heard how much knowledge fetuses can retain while in the womb, so it seems like a no-brainer that you should start educating them early. Now, I’m not saying that you’ll play them some Hooked On Phonics and they’ll come out spouting off full sentences, but it’s not like it could hurt, right? Also, what about music? It’s supposed to soothe babies and babies are thought to recall songs they heard while gestating. Using a four speaker surround sound system, this contraption safely delivers sound to your unborn child in an optimally balanced and effective way, no matter where the baby is hanging out your belly. There are built-in side pockets to house the device’s audio controller as well as your personal MP3 player, you can host a hands-free concert while your baby listens to some tunes. The unit is lightweight and elasticized with a streamlined design, providing new mommies comfort and support while accommodating their growing belly.
My only word of caution would be to make your musical selections carefully. I mean, if you play death metal to your stomach for nine months, the results could be a little scary.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Provides gentle but effective support
-Convenient side pockets
-Hands free experience
-High quality sound
-Continually adjusts volume to optimal fetal levels
-4 speaker surround sound from 2 separate stereo speaker sets
-Fully charged battery lasts approximately 5 hours
-Washable fabric
-Made of lightweight, elasticized fabric
