Are you ready for the feast that is very nearly upon us? Have you purchased all your Thanksgiving fixings? I hope so because you know the grocery store is gonna be a MADHOUSE today and tomorrow. Maybe we should just run through a brief checklist, just to make sure. Potatoes? Mmmm check. Cranberry sauce? Can-shaped check. Green beans? “Aww, do I have to eat my vegetables?” check. Stuffing? Stove Top check. Turkey? Um, turkey? Shit.

Listen, I’m gonna get you out of this jam, don’t you worry! All you need is a diversion while you go out and buy a turkey…and prepare it…and then cook it for several hours. I said, don’t worry! The Inflatable Turkey (Perpetual Kid) is gonna get you out of this mess in no time. I mean, why have a real turkey when you could have an inflatable one, right? You could use this turkey to mess with your family, persuading them that you thought this year we would all just think about delicious turkey instead of actually eating it. Or you could tell them that you mentioned the vinyl turkey when you invited them to dinner and that they just weren’t listening. Don’t they remember how you recently became vegetarian, but in order to keep up this whole Thanksgiving facade, you decided to have Tofurkey with a side of inflatable turkey? I thought you made it pretty clear with that “Meat is murder!” speech that you weren’t catering to your carnivore counterparts this holiday season.

Whatever your approach, I’m sure this faux turkey will be a hit at the dinner table. Just not this year. I mean, clearly you’ve waited until the last minute to put something together for Thanksgiving dinner. You don’t have a real turkey and, because you waited so long, you don’t even have an inflatable one. They’re sold out. Everywhere. They’re been gobbled up by the more thoughtful, albeit strange, individuals out there. But there’s always next year…

5 out of 5 gobble-gobbles.

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