Hey, what the hell? I’m trying to tell a hilarious anecdote here, and my next door neighbors are being so loud I can’t even remember what I was going to say. Man, where was I? Oh yeah, so Stace was all like, “Dude-”

Seriously?! There it is again! I mean, I’m just trying to tell a story within the confines of my own apartment. It’s not like I’m the one who’s having a raucous get together in the middle of the afternoon. I’m completely in the right here. I think I’m gonna go next door and have a chat with Bob and Shirley about this nonsense.

Well that didn’t really go so well (they called me a tool and laughed in my face). It looks like I’m gonna have to fight fire with fire…

It’s a good thing I have my trusty Revenge CD + Earplugs (Perpetual Kid, $7.99) on hand for an occasion such as this. This is no ordinary CD – with this, you can avenge even the cruelest of sound disturbances. Each CD has 20 tracks and comes with a set of earplugs, so you don’t have to suffer through the torture you’re about to bestow upon those who have foolishly wronged you. A few of the highlights on the CD include “House Party,” “Cat in Heat,” and “New Born.” Now, if you’re looking for real authenticity, tracks like “High Heels” and “Doors Banging” are great (especially for downstairs neighbors). Just be careful because this CD is a no holds barred irritation machine and can provoke even the calmest of neighbors.

Oh yeah, I totally went all “Inhuman Screams” on their asses! Not only did Bob and Shirley stop their insanely loud party, but they’re moving out as we speak. I’d totally love to tell you that story now, but I’ve really gotta run. Maybe tomorrow?  It should be interruption free.

5 out of 5 annoying stars.

Specs: