Ok, so let’s face it, we’ve pretty much come to the point where if you were going to buy a gift for someone, it’s not gonna be online. Sure, there’s that small window of opportunity with 2-day shipping, but that’s pretty expensive and a lot times, it’s not even going to guarantee that your gifts will arrive in time for Christmas. So I thought today would be the perfect time to talk about a spectacular gift, one perfect for all occasions, yet just slightly unattainable.
The item in question happens to be the totally boss La-Z-Boy Cool Chair (Drinkstuff, £1299.99). I know you know this chair. And even if by some slim chance you have no knowledge of said chair, there’s no way that you’re not completely awestruck right now. I mean, you’ve got a La-Z-Boy recliner, for starters. Right away, you know you’re gonna be super comfortable lounging around in this chair all day. But the first upgrade is the built-in lumbar heating system. Who doesn’t like a nice heated chair during these winter months or after a long day at the office? Another noteworthy feature is the six motor massage system that is built into the chair. Again, who doesn’t want a personal massage controlled by a conveniently located handset after a hard day? Oh, but I saved the best part for last. The pièce de résistance, if you will, is the built-in mini fridge. That’s right, I said built-in, as in part of the chair, as in don’t ever have to get up to get a beer ever again. The fridge is located in one of the armrests and holds up to six cans of your favorite beverage. The fridge lid also comes equipped with a cup holder, because who could be expected to lift a finger when sitting in this heavenly cloud?
Ok, so what’s the downside when it comes to this beautiful chair? It’s only available for delivery in Northern Ireland. Yup, looks like us Yanks are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to gluttonous lush comforts. I mean, don’t we have the market cornered on laziness and obesity? You would think this chair would be marketed exclusively to Americans.
5 out of 5 Joey Tribbiani stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 1150mm x 1040mm x 850mm
-Fridge dimensions: 360mm x 145mm x 230mm
-Built in fridge holds up to 6 beverage cans
-Cup holder situated on lid
-6 motor massage system
-Built in lumbar heating system
-Hand crafted
-Only available for delivery in Northern Ireland
It seems like it’s been ages since I’ve experienced a decent night of drinking and general debauchery. Maybe I’m just getting older or I’m a little more mature than I used to be, but the usual drinking games and drunken antics aren’t doing it for me anymore. I need something new, something different and exciting to perk up my weekend social gatherings. I want something that when my friends come over and see it, they won’t be able to believe their eyes. They will stand, chins dropped in awe, rendered powerless by the sheer magnificence of such an item. It’s not too much to ask, right?
Thanks goodness for the Spin N Shot Roulette Drinking Game (Drinkstuff, £15.98), or I would still be searching in vain for that majestic essential party accessory. Ok, so the appeal of this thing should be fairly obvious because it combines gambling and drinking, two things that go together like peanut butter and jelly. If you like gambling, you could be tempted to just take the easy way out and get some card games going on. That’s cool, but maybe you want to switch it up every now and then, so it would be good to have a back-up. Enter a roulette wheel and you’ve got a whole new party aesthetic happening. I don’t know if I’d want to play roulette Vegas style because it seems way too easy to lose the house, but if you’re playing for shots, then I don’t really see the harm. Each shot glass corresponds with two or three numbers, so you have a greater chance of your shot “winning” each time you play. If you’re hardcore, you could just refill the shot glasses as you go, or if you have any sympathy for your liver, you could just leave them empty after the first number is selected. There are a total of 16 shot glasses on the wheel, which means you could invite 15 friends to a crazy Vegas themed party.
I never really was a big Vegas fan. I mean, I like the whole idea of gambling and boozing in the afternoon, but that’s really only fun for a couple of hours. After that, unless you’re Bill Gates, you’re flat broke and the seeds of a hangover start to set in. And that’s just depressing.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 290mm (diameter)
-Contains a roulette wheel, 2 balls, and 16 shot glasses
-Each glass corresponds with 2 or 3 different numbers
-Delivery only available in select countries
For some reason, even though it seems like we don’t need to, we’re always trying to find new ways to enjoy our adult beverages. We can’t just sit around the house and have a beer, we have to have a wild house party or head out to the bar until the wee hours of the morning. Let’s say you are just sitting at home. Do you just watch TV and sip on your brew? Nope, you get some friends to come over so you can play Asshole or Fuck The Dealer. Or maybe you get really crazy and you set up a game of Beer Pong, Flip Cup, or Quarters. Do any of these things make the drinks taste any better? Maybe not, but it sure is a whole lot of fun!
Along those same lines, the Beer Blaster Liquid Shooter (ThinkGeek, $22.99) could really spruce up your next adult beverage tasting. See, this contraption not only adds a level of excitement to any get together, but there also aren’t any steadfast rules involved so you don’t have to worry about remembering whose turn it is or which card to put down. You’re pretty much just squirting each other with a healthy blast of carbonated hops. It’s up to you whether your goal is to inject a steady stream of beer into your friend’s open mouth (or your own, for that matter) or if you just want to have a friendly water fight, where water equals beer. This thing shoots up to 10 feet, so I’d say you’re pretty much covered during a beer fight. Also, it works with any standard 12oz beer can (or soda, if that’s your bag). All you have to do is shake up the can, slide it into the reservoir holder, and then lock the reservoir holder down. The final step will cause a small needle to puncture your can, and the carbonation will render it ready to the trigger activated blast stream.
Now, I know it’s silly that I have to mention this, but beverages are not included. I know, I know, you were hoping to score a nice six pack with purchase, but that’s just not the case. You’re gonna have to actually go to the grocery store. Crazy, I know.
3 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 9″ x 8″ x 3″
-For use with any standard 12oz beer/soda can
-Shoots up to 10 feet
-Trigger activated blast stream
-Integrated bottle opener
-Not dishwasher safe
-Beverages not included
How many times have you been out at the bar with your friends, waiting what seems like an eternity to get the bartender’s attention so you can grab a beer, only to have them put a less than full glass in front of you? I mean, does that seem fair? You haul your ass all the way down there, pay outrageous prices, and they stiff you. Yeah, I know, that’s what happens at bars all the time. You ask for a top shelf gin and tonic, and you get the gin from the liter sized plastic handle (aka the cheapest liquor known to man). You want a vodka and red bull? You’ll receive a glass barely containing watered-down vodka and a whole lot of sickeningly sweet energy drink. These kinds of injustices have been going on since the dawn of time (ok, maybe not that long, but awhile), but draft beer has always been sacred ground. Now these jokers out there think they can get away with an underfilled glass? This repression has to stop!
If you start packing the Beer Gauge (KegWorks, $2.95), then bartenders will have to stop skimping on your drafts. This handy credit card sized piece of plastic easily and accurately measures the amount of beer in your glass. Sure, maybe you think that’s a little crazy – I mean, how much beer can you really be missing? As it turns out, a lot. Because beer glasses start small and become wider as you reach the top, the majority of the beer volume is contained at the top of the glass. So let’s say that you get your beer and it’s got a 1/2 inch of space at the top of the glass. No big deal, right? It turns out, you’re actually missing 13% of your beer’s volume. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a lot when you’re paying about $5 for a pint. All you have to do is rest the gauge on the rim of your glass and you can instantly measure how much beer you aren’t getting for your money.
Just think about all the beer you’ve been missing throughout the years! You should probably just head on down to the bar right now and start making up for it.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 3 5/16″ x 2 1/8″
-Same size as a standard credit card
-Fits in most wallets
-Made of rigid waterproof plastic
-Easy to use
-Useful conversion factors
I’m pretty lazy. I’m not ashamed to say it, I am a lazy person. Most of my day-to-day activities stem from my inability to get up off the couch. Subsequently, I own a lot of seemingly ridiculous gadgets that serve to aid my continually sloth-like existence. Basically anything with a remote that I can operate within the confines of my bed is my favorite thing. Television? Check. Laptop? Got it. Cell phone? You know it. There’s really not a whole lot you actually have to get up for nowadays, besides that pesky job thing (and that’s what sick days are for). The problem I constantly run into (not literally, of course, because that would require getting up) is that my drinks are constantly getting warm. I mean, having to drink a warm beer really takes the fun out of watching an all day SVU marathon, you know? One might even call it an outrage.
I don’t have to worry about frivolous interruptions anymore, now that I have the R/C Drinks Cooler (Firebox, $69.95) by my side. As my trusty companion, I just load her up with a 12-pack and some ice, and I’m set for the rest of the day. I know, you’re thinking that she sounds just like any other cooler you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, but you’re wrong. Oh no, she’s so much more. She has wheels! Yeah, maybe you’ve met a few like that as well, but I’m telling you, she’s something else. She comes with a remote! Intrigued, are you? I knew it. This battery operated goddess comes with a controller that works up to 30 feet away. In case you don’t understand the magnitude of such a vast geographical distance, I’ll lay it out for you: You’re lounging in your temple, aka bedroom, when you reach down into your beloved cooler and come up empty. You’ve run out of beer! Any other man would fall to pieces at this very moment. He might give in to societal pressures and actually get out of bed. But not you, oh no. You’re stronger than that. You’re smarter. You’re a man with a remote-controlled cooler on wheels! And lucky for you, your roommate just got home. All you have to do to quench your thirst is call out to your roommate and steer your cooler into the kitchen, where it will promptly be filled with ice cold brew.
Are you one of those “active” people? Someone who enjoys getting out of bed in the morning and doing things out in the world? Incredibly enough, you too could benefit from said cooler. I mean, you can’t work all the time, right?
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 13 1/2″ x 11 3/4″ x 11 3/4″
-Capacity: Holds approximately 12 bottles/10 cans
-Battery operated
-Controller works up to 30ft away
-Features four sure grip wheels
-R/C Cooler requires 6x C batteries (not included)
-Controller requires 1x 9v battery (not included)
