Maybe some of you out there are looking to tell that special person in your life just much they mean to you. Perhaps this is a huge step in your relationship because neither of you have told the other how you feel about each other. Could this be the very first time you are prepared to say the big “L” word to each other? If so, you’re probably planning something really romantic, right? I know, you’re gonna cash in on the whole Valentine’s Day thing, because what better way is there to conjure instant romance than a holiday that’s literally all hearts and flowers. The most important thing to remember when going for the big “L” is to make it special, and a one-way ticket to specialtown are the two u’s: unique and unexpected.
If you’re looking for a one of a kind way to drop the “L” bomb, then look no further than the I Love You Bean (Miles Kimball, $5.99). You’ve got everything you need in this kit to let the lovely lady in your life know that she makes you feel all warm and gooey inside. All you need to do is add water and sunlight (the recipe also calls for love, but I think you’ve got that one covered) to the sprouting cup full of soil mix and seeds. Then when the bean sprouts, the words you’ve been trying to spit out will magically appear on the beans: I Love You. It’s recommended for kids ages 4 and up, but I think it just might work in your situation as well.
Ok, so maybe I forgot to mention a third requirement for professing your love – cheese. I’m not kidding, the cheesier the better. Sure, the ladies all like to pretend that they aren’t into the cheeseballs, but it’s simply not true. Take any sappy romantic chick flick and you’ll see exactly what I mean. There’s always, without fail, some sort of ridiculous scene in which the knight in shining armor declares his love for the leading lady. It’s never anything easy or laid back. Some examples:
When Harry Met Sally: Guy runs through the streets on New Year’s Eve to get to girl before the new year to spout big long speech about all the reasons why he loves her.
Say Anything: Guy holds up boombox outside girl’s window playing the song they first consummated their love to.
Dirty Dancing: “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”
Love Actually: The entire movie.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Includes sprouting cup, soil mix, and seeds
-Just add water, sunlight, and love
-“I Love You” will appear when bean sprouts
-Great for kids ages 4 and up
-Not available for shipment to Canada
The most important thing to remember when you’re part of a couple actually has more to do with other people than the two of you: don’t gross out the general public. For those of you who don’t know what that means (and therefore, this statement is specifically directed at you): knock it off! I’m talking about the very intense PDA you’ve got going on, all day every day. There’s no need to suck face with your significant other in close proximity of all your friends. We get it, you’re together. Memo received. Now separate yourselves before one of you suffocates. The main reason single people hate couples is that they seemingly flaunt their coupledom at every turn. Now, sometimes this is all in a singleton’s head. Other times, like when you’re giggling and whispering “No, I love you more” into the phone for 20 minutes, it’s a miracle you still have friends.
With the I’m Nuts About You! (Firebox, $17.95) keychain, you can secretly think about your honey bunny all day long and your friends will never be the wiser. More importantly, they won’t be forced to vomit every time you bring up the cutest thing your sweetie did today. Instead, all you have to do is look down at your keychain, which seems just like an ordinary nuts and bolts keyring, and think about your glorious love. The only way your friends would know the disgustingly adorable nature of said keychain is if they saw the box branded with the “I’m nuts about you!” slogan because the keychain is free of any such lovey dovey indication.
I’m not asking the moon here. I don’t care what kind of nauseatingly sweet activities you participate in within the confines of your own home, but dial it down a notch when you’re out in the world. I mean, I’m sitting right next to you – do you really have to make out with your girlfriend at that exact moment? And for five whole minutes? In case you’re thinking that’s ok, IT’S NOT!
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 3/4″ x 1 3/4″ x 1/2″ (not including bronze ring)
-Box includes bronze ring and silver & 14k gold plated nuts and bolts
The end of January is almost here, and you know what that means: Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty sure everywhere you look you’re already being bombarded by sickening messages of love, giant displays of heart-shaped candy boxes, and basically anything of the red and pink variety. A lot of people out there, myself included, tend to overlook the possible merits of Valentine’s Day (the heartwarming sentiments) and prefer to focus on reality (a holiday created by card companies to sell more useless products). I mean, why is February 14th so special? Why is that the day where we’re supposed to shower our loved ones with gifts and affection (but most importantly, gifts)? Shouldn’t we be treating our significant others like they matter every day instead of one random day in February? And what about those poor unfortunate souls who are miserable and alone? It’s not like they need another reminder that no one’s interested in them and they’re not getting any younger.
One of the Valentine’s Day staples is the candy heart. Certainly not the most flavorful or exciting of the bunch, the candy heart has become a mainstay because it’s quirky. It’s the little sayings on each heart that make candy hearts special; you never know what you’re gonna get. The Bittersweets (ThinkGeek, $5.99) by Despair, Inc. take that idea and run with it – kicking and screaming in the opposite direction. Instead of spouting sickeningly sweet sentiments, these candy hearts tell it like it is and speak to the singleton in all of us. You can choose from dejected, dysfunctional, or dumped and each set comes packaged in a collectible tin. There are up to 37 unique sayings inside each collection that cater to the “D” you select.
Single people should get their own holiday. I mean, there are so many holidays that are built around togetherness and everlasting love – what about the rest of us?! I mean, I guess you could technically annex St. Patrick’s Day as a singleton holiday, but I’m talking about a true Singles Day. Write in and tell me your suggestions!
5 out of 5 miserable stars.
Specs:
-3 different collections to choose from: Dejected, Dysfunctional, or Dumped
-Each collection features up to 37 unique sayings
-Packaged in a collectible tin
Just because Christmas is over doesn’t mean that you have to stop having wintry fun! I mean, there are all sorts of things out there that can provide endless hours of amusement and I bet a lot of them are of the electronic entertainment variety (i.e. DVDs, video games, iPods, etc.). And while it’s perfectly understandable to get caught up in your new and exciting technological purchases, shouldn’t you enjoy the outdoors a bit? Yes, I’m not a huge fan of outdoorsy activities and I absolutely abhor camping, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a good outdoor activity now and then. Oddly enough, I think some of the most fun outdoor activities occur in the winter months – snowmen, snow angels, and best of all, snowball fights.
Now, you could participate in a snowball fight the old fashioned way, but I think the Snofling Snow Ball Throwing Stick (Amazon, $5.95) is a fantastic tool to use to ensure swift victory. See, instead of having to stick your hands in the freezing snow over and over to form a plethora of snow ammunition, all you have to do is push this contraption in the snow until it forms a ball. But the fun doesn’t stop there! You don’t even have to pick up the snowball! You can form it and fling it at your opponent, all without having to freeze your digits off. And you’re bound to hurl that snowball a million times farther than you would with just your scrawny little arm. Oh, and there’s even a built-in horn so you can further taunt your nemesis after railing them in the face.
Some of you out there might think it’s a little unsportsmanlike to get excited about pelting others in the face with snowballs. You might even go so far as to say that using a snowball aid is cheating. To you people I say, PREPOSTEROUS!
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Makes snowballs with ease
-Keeps hands warms
-Also features horn sound unit
-Not for children under age 3
-Made of high impact plastic
I feel like I’ve skimped on the home decor aspects of Christmas this year. I mean, they’re just as important, if not more, than the actual act of gift giving. Who doesn’t like to start their Christmas season by going out and getting a freshly cut Christmas tree from some sketchy parking lot? Ok, so there are some of us who prefer a faux tree to a real one. Some possible reasons for that are cost – real trees can range from $25-$60 every year, so think of what an investment a fake tree would be. Also, a fake tree doesn’t need to watered and doesn’t lose its needles, so there’s far less maintenance required (one might even say none at all). Sure, you don’t get that fresh pine scent, but you can fake that with a nice candle.
For those of us out there who are full of Christmas spirit, but somewhat lacking in the cash and space departments, there’s the Wall Hanging Christmas Tree (Walter Drake, $39.99). Yes, it’s a fake tree, so all you haters out there might want to shut your eyes for a few minutes if you don’t like it. It’s only three feet tall, so it’s a bit of a baby tree, but it’ll get the job done for small spaces. Also, since it’s wall mounted, you’re actually saving a ton of extra space, perhaps for a banging recliner or ping pong table. This tree is already pre-strung with 50 white lights, so that’s one agonizing light untangling step you can skip. All you have to do is attach the tree to the wall, throw some ornaments on there, and plug it in. Ta da! Easy Christmas cheer for the lazy person in us all.
Ok, so even if you’re already down with the whole fake tree concept, you might want to reconsider this wall tree. Why? Well, let me ask you, do you have any pets? Does it get to be a hassles, real or fake tree, to keep your animals from constantly harassing your Christmas tree? If it’s wall mounted, it’s just a touch more difficult for them to run into it and knock all the ornaments off. Just a suggestion.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 3′ tall
-Pre strung with 50 white lights
-Life like pine needles
-Bendable wire branches
-Metal brace pole
-Space saving
