Ah, tis the season for one of our greatest American pastimes: baseball. I mean, is there really anything better than going down to the ball field and watching a game? I didn’t think so. Where else can you sit around in the middle of the afternoon, drinking beer and hurling insults at total strangers? The answer is nowhere. It would be the perfect afternoon, if it wasn’t for the ever-increasing rise of beer prices at the stadium. I mean, is there really someone out there who thinks that $6 for a cup of beer is reasonable? But since they won’t let you take any outside drinks into the stadium, how are you supposed to get your drink on without shelling out a fortune?
If you have the Wine Rack (Firebox, $29.95), then you’re pretty much set. Sure, it looks like a regular black sports bra, but that’s the genius of it. See, inside the sports bra is a polyurethane refillable bra that holds 750ml or 25oz of your favorite beverage, so you can bring your jolly juice to the ballpark without anyone knowing. A long drinking tube with an on/off valve attaches to the interior bra, which allows you to route it though your clothing without being uncomfortable. As if bypassing the expensive drinks during your outing isn’t enough of an incentive, a full bra also increases your cup size by two full cups. Yeah, you might be a little deflated by the end of the night, but you’ll have drank for free so it’s a small price to pay. And guys, before you start getting your panties in a bunch, there is a male version of this product called the Beerbelly (Firebox, $34.95) that gives you the same sort of experience. Yes, it’s slightly less sexy than having a massive bust to have an inflated belly, but the male version also allows for more liquid storage. Also, it comes with a slot for an optional cold or hot pack to keep your drinks at optimum temperature. And ladies, if you don’t mind looking a bit pudgy, maybe this could work for you as well.
Seriously, I’m never gonna leave the house without one of these again. Hey, I’ve got an awesome idea! I’ll just wear both and then maybe I can say I’m pregnant. Think about it, huge knockers and a bountiful belly – they’ll never even suspect me drinking!
5 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: Small fits 32A thru 36A
Medium fits 34B thru 38B
-Holds over 750ml or 25oz of your favorite beverage
-Increases cup size by 2 full cups
-Long drinking tube to route as you wish
-Easy on/off valve to control flow
-Comfortable outer sports bra available in versatile black
-Interior bra made of polyurethane
Isn’t it a hassle to go to parties where they expect you to pay an outrageous amount of money just to get your drink on? I mean, what do they think you are, a filthy rich mad scientist? Sure, you can just bring your own, but then you have to worry about how you’re going to stuff those brewskis in your bag without them toppling over, leading to a fizzy explosion of disgruntled hops upon opening. And just how are you supposed to keep your drinks cold in said bag? Yeah, you could hope that your party destination is handing out chilled beer steins, but I bet you’re gonna be pretty disappointed when you end up having to drink your tepid adult beverages. So just how are you going to enjoy yourself at such a shindig without having to worry about the status of your liquid courage?
Well if you were rocking the Burton Liquid Lounger (Urban Outfitters, $168.00), then you could rest easy because you’d essentially be the party. It looks like an ordinary backpack, right? Ok, so it’s a bit larger than the usual Friday night accessory, but that’s because it’s got everything you need to sustain a successful evening out. Let’s start with the most obvious space inhabitant, which is the beer. You can fit a 36-pack of your favorite bev in the insulated cooler section, which is more than enough drinks for you and a few friends to enjoy throughout the evening via the easy access top opening. Now let’s talk trimmings, those little extras that are really gonna make your night no-hassle. Need a bottle opener? No prob, there’s one attached to the zipper. Hey, maybe the place you’re at is getting a bit lame and you want to liven it up a bit with some games. Ok, so you’ve got a set of dice and a flask as well as ping pong balls, and even a golf towel to mop up spills that may occur due to game antics. There’s a self-draining ice storage compartment to keep those brews cold while they’re chilling (pun intended) in your backpack. Beer cozies are also included to ease the transition from pack to palm. So that just about covers it, right? Nope, there’s still more. I said you’d be the party, and I meant it. So what does that mean? Music, of course. This pack has integrated stereo speakers and an amp with auxiliary input, along with a padded laptop pocket.
That’s right, with this backpack you are a one man party machine. You could probably even start charging for your entertainment services. And I mean that in a strictly non-stripper sense. Or maybe you want to go that route. Whatev. I’m not here to judge.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 20″ x 13″
-Includes: logoed golf towel, flask, dice, beer cozies, and ping pong balls
-Insulated cooler section fits 36 pack
-Quick grab top opening
-Bottle opener zipper pull
-Self draining ice storage
-Integrated stereo speakers and amp with auxiliary input
-Padded laptop pocket
Now that it’s starting to warm up again, it’s time for all those fun outdoor activities to begin again. You know what I mean, like baseball games and concerts, things that are the most fun during the lazy summer months. There is one issue with these kinds of events though – the fact that you can’t bring any outside food or drink in with you. It wouldn’t be so bad if the stuff they offered was at least in a normal price range, but a $8 cup of beer at the ballgame isn’t exactly kosher. But there’s not a whole lot you can do about it, there’s pretty much two choices: buy it and deal with it, or don’t buy it and suffer from thirst/hunger. What if there was a third choice? What if you chose not to accept your food and entertainment on such limited terms?
Then you would be smart enough to invest in the Sippin’ Seat Flask Stadium Seat Cushion (KegWorks, $29.95) to make the most of your warm weather excursions. It looks like a normal seat cushion, one that most fans take to the game to create a more pleasurable seating atmosphere, right? Totally wrong. I mean, yes it is a seat cushion, but haven’t you learned by now that nothing is as simple as it appears? Hidden inside this seat cushion is a soft plastic refillable flask, with a spout the is revealed by unzipping one corner. The answer to the overpriced liquid competitors, you can bring this seat cushion basically anywhere and security will be none the wiser. With a 36 ounce capacity, you can fit approximately three beers or a whole bottle of wine within the cushions secret flask. And don’t worry, you’re not going to blow your cover by actually sitting on the cushion, as it can sustain up to 300lbs without busting. The flask compartment also makes an easy transition from season to season because it accommodates hot or cold beverages, meaning you can bring along your hot chocolate to the local football game to save some cash. If you happen to be particularly klutzy, and I am, the fabric cover is stain resistant, as well as machine washable for those inexplicably stubborn stains.
I don’t recommend drinking directly from the flask’s spout. While it may seem like a good idea, especially after a few flaskfuls of beer, you’re going to look like an idiot. Let me clarify: you’re going to look like an idiot after you get caught drinking out of your seat cushion. And then instead of being that cool guy who showed up the man, you’re going to be the moron who couldn’t handle his flaskjuice and had to be escorted out of the venue by security.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 13″ x 13″ x 2.5″
-Capacity: 36oz
-Supports up to 300lbs
-Accommodates warm or cold beverages
-Flask is removable
-Carry handle
-Fabric cover is stain resistant and machine washable
Are you always on the lookout for new and interesting ways to harass your fellow coworkers? Maybe you tried talking incessantly or consistently asking inane questions, but your coworkers don’t seem to mind it. You probably just thought it would be fun to be a bit of a distraction one day, and no one seemed to mind your crazy antics. So the next day you upped the ante, yet still, nothing. And now it’s just become this personal vendetta: you against all your coworkers. Which brings us to the question of what tools you’re going to need in order to emerge victorious. Any ideas?
That’s right, the USB Webcam Rocket Launcher (ThinkGeek, 49.00) is the key eliminating office promotion opponents. This is so much better than your standard desktop rocket launcher because it has a webcam attached to it. This way, you can actually see your target in real time, making it ridiculously easy to peg them in the back before they even notice you’re aiming at them. And if you feel like being above all the adolescent tomfoolery, you can just use the webcam for its natural purpose (this is also a great cover story for when you’re planning a sneak attack). If you can con someone in the office into purchasing one of these too, then you can plan wars against each other. But watch out, because you’ll be able to take control of each other’s missile launchers, so if you let your guard down at the wrong moment, you could be getting a foam dart right to the chest. With a 15 foot range, you could probably even hit that overly enthusiastic yahoo from HR without anyone knowing it was you. You can turn on the included sound effects if you want your target to get some advanced warning before the battle begins, but I prefer a stealth attack.
Come on, who wouldn’t jump at the chance to obtain this webcam? I’m calling it a webcam because that’s how you can justify it as a work purchase order. I mean, wasn’t your boss just saying the other day that everyone in the office should have a webcam so it’s easier to communicate with other office branches? You’re such a good employee, I bet you already ordered this webcam so you can get a head start on your company confrontation, I mean, correspondence.
4 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Includes USB MSN missile launcher, 3 foam darts, target, software, and instructions
-See your targets before firing with built in webcam
-Able to take control of another’s missile launcher to shoot them
-Pans left/right and up/down
-Sound effects from your computer when you launch a missile
-Can be used just as a webcam
-15′ range
-3′ cord
-Compatible with Windows XP/2000/Vista
Ok, it’s time for the semi-annual interoffice showdown, and you need to choose your weapons wisely. You and three of your coworkers have been nominated to represent your sector, and you’re under strict orders from the man upstairs to come out on top. But just how are you going to do it? Not only do you need something intimidating, but it also has to have the power to back up its menacing exterior. Where oh where are you going to find such a wondrous and mythical piece of machinery?
Troops, look no further than the Nerf Elimination Office Warfare Set (ThinkGeek, $29.99) for all your office demolition competition needs. This set comes with four miniature Nerf Elimination Blasters, one for each of you and your fellow office comrades. Each Nerf Blaster comes with two screaming Nerf Darts, one of which is loaded in the barrel while the other stores within the handle. Now, I know what you’re gonna say, that two darts just isn’t enough and that you need more power. But really, this is just a friendly game of office combat to decide once and for all who is the best department, so do you really need more than two darts? Ok, maybe for that you do. Luckily, there are Elimination Game instructions included in this set, which state that once you get hit, you’re out. And then the last person standing after everyone else has been demolished is said to be the winner.
So now it becomes a battle of wits and restraint, knowing that you only have two darts and three targets. Only the most knowledgeable of warriors can survive such a crusade. Let the fighting begin.
5 out of 5 stars.
Specs:
-Dimensions: 5″ x 4.5″ unloaded, 5″ x 6.75″ loaded
-Includes 4 Mini Nerf Elimination Blasters, 8 screaming Nerf Darts, and Elimination Game instructions
-Blaster holds one dart in barrel and stores second dart in the handle
