Show her just how much you love her this Valentine’s Day with the 2 Carat Mug (Firebox, $14.95), a ring unlike any she’s ever seen before. Imagine her look of shock and surprise when you get down on one knee to present her with this beautiful ring inside an elegant black box. Sure, it’s not a real engagement ring, but that’s part of the fun! When you jokingly show her a ring and ask her to spend the rest of her life with you, I’m sure she’ll laugh out loud when you explain that the ring is actually attached to a mug.* I mean, I’m sure she would much rather have a white porcelain cup with a ring attached to it, especially when said ring has a genuine Swarovski crystal embedded in the center. Available in gold or platinum effect, you’re sure to please your love with this token of your affection.

*I claim no responsibility for the possibility of your impending break-up. I suggest you make sure she’ll find this funny before you consider attempting.

5 out of 5 fake engagement stars.

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I thought I knew the magnitude of tea’s awesomeness, until I tried loose tea. And then I was done for. There’s just something about the crispness of a freshly brewed cup of tea, something to which bagged teas don’t even compare. The Tea Infuser with Base (Sur La Table, $9.95) is the perfect tea lover’s accessory, created specifically for the brewing of loose tea. See, with loose tea you have to put it in an infuser and pour hot water over the tea leaves. Tea infusers differ slightly in design, but the most popular kind sits right in your tea mug so it can brew the plain hot water into a tasty tea concoction. After you’ve gotten your tea to the desired strength, you take the infuser out. Now, this is where this infuser leaves all others in the dust: it has a stand. If you take a regular infuser out of a cup of boiling hot tea, what happens? You get a dripping mess all over your counter, which you could try to prevent by cupping your hand underneath, but then you have to remember that the dripping tea is BOILING HOT and maybe you shouldn’t do that. Instead, you could use this tea infuser with a built-in drip catching receptacle. No mess and, more importantly, no burnt hands.

Reason #85063 I love tea over coffee: I can drink as many cups as I want in a short period of time and not feel like someone has gouged a hole in my stomach lining.

5 out of 5 stars.

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Luckily, the Secret Safe Mug (Convenient Gadgets & Gifts, $19.95) fits that description perfectly. I mean, who would think that a travel mug was really a secret safe? I know there are a lot of these “secret stash” items out there, but most of them are just crap. There’s really no other way to say it. Sure, you could hide your antique diamond ring in a faux soda can, but what happens when a friend of yours decides to be nice and clean up your kitchen? Oh, and they took the recyclables out for you too. Something tells me you’re shit out of luck. It’s not very likely that someone is going to throw out your travel mug, especially because the top portion is a fully functional insulated travel mug. Meaning, you can fill it with your favorite hot beverage while carrying your valuables around in the bottom storage area, and no one will be the wiser.

Apparently, most burglars spend less than six minutes inside a person’s home. So basically, unless you put your stuff in the most obvious of places, you’re gonna be pretty safe. I mean, who’s gonna check a travel mug for cash and other assets? Except you, now that you’ve read this post.

5 out of 5 stars.

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Luckily, with the Write-on Mug (X-treme Geek, $9.95), I know I won’t be missing out on any important meetings. How can I be so sure? Well, I love a good cup of tea, so you can be sure that I’m never going to lose track of my mug. And with a mug as special as this one, that’s a good thing. See, you can write your daily activities on the side of the mug with the included pencil so you’ll always know exactly what’s on your agenda for that day. There’s even a section off to the side to expand on your notes or to write an urgent message for yourself. And all you have to do to start over is wash the mug. That’s it. How simple is that?

Ok, so maybe you’re not a morning cup o’ joe person. Maybe you’re more of a glass after glass of soda throughout the afternoon type of person. No problem. X-treme Geek also carries a Write-on Glass for the same price, and handy note taking abilities, as the mug. Now what’s your excuse for missing the big presentation?

5 out of 5 stars.

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Safely armed with the Tota Coffee Carrier (Krudmart, $12.00), and I can proudly say that you will travel to and from work, coffee intact. Not only does this carrier hold two to-go cups of coffee, but there are also special compartments for stir sticks and sugar packets. It’s about time! I mean, what if you’re all out of sugary type substances at the workplace and your coworkers send you on a mission to pick up some coffee? Seems fairly easy, right? Except you can’t remember who takes their coffee with cream no sugar and who takes it with sugar no cream. And trust me, you don’t want to mess with someone’s coffee homeostasis. You’re a lot safer just grabbing a few sugar packets and letting them sort it out. So not only does this carrier allow you to hold two coffees with just one hand, but now you don’t have to shove the coffee amenities in your pants pockets.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sent out on a coffee run, only to realize once I get to the coffee shop that there is no way I’m going to be able to carry it all back. Then you have to decide if “forgetting” one person’s coffee so you can juggle the rest is going to cause an office turf war. I’ll save you the contemplation: it will. I told you, don’t mess with a person’s coffee.

4 out of 5 stars.

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